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HUMOR IN ANIMALS 



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COPYRIGHT BY 

G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS 
i88 S 



Press of 

G. P. Putnam's Sons 

New York 

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INTRODUCTION. 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 

Humor in Animals i 

"Bone," the Owl 3 

The Crane 7 

Crows 14 

Swallows' Jokes 20 

The Parrot Family 25 

Domestic Fowls 32 

The Case of the Dodo 33 

Elephantine Jokes 39 

Dogs and their Fun 43 

Cats 54 

The Lion's Reply 61 

The Facetious Bear . . .65 

The Monkey's Soliloquy 72 

The Two Monkeys . . • 76 

The Fox's Views S2 

A Rat's Point of View 85 

The Speech of the Ass . - .88 

Donkey's Doings V . 90 

The Camel's Claim 94 

The Seal 96 

The Hippopotamus . . . . . . . . 100 

The Tortoise has his Say . . . 102 

vii 



HUMOR IN ANIMALS. 



T 11 7HILE I shall attempt to make my treatment of this subject 
V V conform to my title, yet I will not promise to keep strictly 
to it. Other elements, seemingly foreign, must come in for its 
better elucidation, and these will give their supporting evidence, 
while I trust that they will be found no less interesting than the 
main subject. 

The manner of expression of the inferior animals is so obscure 
and so entirely different from that of man, that we can only know 
their real feelings by the closest study. They are the victims of 
our ignorance. Even the domestic animals, so constantly associ- 
ated with mankind, suffer continually from misunderstandings ot 
their intentions and motives, as well as from ignorance of their 
ways of thought and manner of looking at things. It is not a new 
theory that all human qualities are parcelled out among the lower 
animals, each one sharing with man such traits as his needs 
require, and no more. If this were true, and were all the truth, 
there are no exclusively human traits, but only animal, — man being 
the epitome of the whole. This may be entirely true of the well- 
defined characteristics, but certain sentiments and .^-attributes, so 
to speak, based upon those possessed by all, are bestowed upon 
man alone ; and of these no lower creature can have any concep- 
tion. They lift him far above all other animals that we know. 



2 H^l / mor in Animals. 

Beyond the most obvious impulses, we have no means of deter- 
mining the motive for any act of animals except by the closest 
and most careful study of individuals. Only by long-continued 
intimacy with one member of a species can we form a base upon 
which to build a theory or arrive at a just estimate of their peculiar 
characters. How many human individuals, with all their likeness 
of habits and of expression, are past finding out! We are often 
astonished to discover traits in our most intimate friends and 
acquaintances that we never suspected until they were developed 
by some unusual occasion. How much harder is it to ascertain 
the true feelings of those creatures whose language we have hardly 
begun to know ? We can arrive with certainty at only a few con- 
clusions, and those, as I have said, only by the closest observation. 

All animals are now held by science to be more or less simi- 
lar in kind ; and it is therefore not impossible that every living 
creature has, dormant or active, the quality of humor. It is, to be 
sure, difficult for vivacious man to conceive of a staid matter-of- 
fact old turtle having any fun in him. And yet, in his solemn way, 
he may have considerable mild enjoyment of that sort, though he 
never expresses it by mirth, or even by a smile. This is not his 
way. What might tickle his sluggish sense of drollery would not, 
probably, seem so funny to ourselves. No more can we compre- 
hend where he finds his domestic felicity in his slimy home, though 
this is undoubtedly " as clear as mud " to him. Certainly life must 
have its strong attractions, even for a turtle. And as he clings to 
it with great tenacity for an indefinite length of time, it is not im- 
probable that a little dull fun mingles in now and then to season 
it withal. 



BONE," THE OWL. 



THE grave and philosophical owl would hardly be more readily 
suspected of descending to jocularity than the tortoise. But 
I once possessed, for several years, an interesting specimen of the 
barred or gray owl ; and, as I gave him careful study, I am able to 
write confidently of his ability to stoop from his dignity, and even 
to indulge in ludicrous frolics at times. These partook so much of 
the whimsical as seemingly to carry them beyond mere playful- 
ness. At all events, my owl's grotesque performances answered 
every purpose of humor, and were the cause of much enjoyment 
and merry comment in the village, where they rendered him quite 
famous. Whether intentional or not, " Bone " — that was his name 
— was clearly recognized as a great wag. 

He was very fond of playing in the water at times. Often he 
would repair to the middle walk of the garden, where a pool of 
water, fourteen inches deep or more, would stand for some time 
after a heavy shower. Here Bone's aquatic performances were 
eagerly watched, the more so because they were always diversified 
by something new, according to the circumstances. Upon one 
occasion, I remember, a little box, a foot or so square, that had 
contained flower-roots, had been carelessly left in the path ; it was 
bottom up, and half the bottom was gone. The box was but little 
deeper than the water, which brought its edge and the remaining 
piece of the bottom near the surface. This box Bone regarded 

3 



4 Htimor in Animals. 

with much interest, and after many quaint antics around it he 
finally gave it his entire attention. Leaping upon the remaining 
half of the bottom, he gazed with great earnestness into the depths 
of the open space, then turning, he bestowed upon the lookers-on 
an irresistible stare that caused much laughter. At this he seemed 
to take umbrage, and replied by a vigorous snapping of his beak 
in a threatening manner. Still he did not consider the affront to 
his dignity as of sufficient importance to turn him from his purpose. 
Looking again into the open half of the box, he jumped up over 
the uncovered place, holding his great round head high up, and 
then plumped down feet first into the box, which forced his head 
back and tail forward until they nearly met ; these were then all 
that could be seen of Bone above the edge of the box. Naturally 
my gray owl cut a most absurd figure in this situation, and he 
seemed to know and enjoy it, for there he remained, turning his 
head in all directions, often bestowing upon the by-standers that 
same solemn gaze as before ; but now he did not^seem to take 
offence at the consequent laughter. 

Bone was constantly doing queer and unexpected things, the 
motives of which were more easily explained by attributing them 
to a sense of waggery than to any thing else. 

One afternoon in early autumn I was standing in the front 
yard near the fence upon which the owl was sitting, when a boy of 
the village came down the street looking very anxious and solemn. 
He marched straight up to the fence, not seeming to notice the 
bird, who was usually a great favorite with him, and exclaimed : 
" Say ! I 've got the canker-rash ; do you know any thing about 
it ? " (The caniker-rash was a much-dreaded disease of the mouth, 
often fatal among children.) At the same time he opened to the 
fullest extent a mouth that was capacious enough to harbor any 



6 Humor in Animals. 

amount of fatal disease, and closing his eyes, waited my inspect 
The owl seeing this enormous cavity yawning before him, stoo 
down and peered into it in the most earnest and scientific man 
My boisterous mirth so grated upon the poor boy's feelings, wroi 
up as they were by his fears, that he cried with vexation 
threatened to " kill the darned bird \" I was soon able to pa 
him, however, for upon inquiry I found he had been out in the 
eating green hazel-nuts, which, as personal experience had tau 
me, would often produce that result. The revulsion of fee 
from alarm to confidence restored his good humor, and 1 
ample mouth was brought into requisition for the most extern 
grins of pleasure. 




THE CRANE. 



IN all respects save one the crane is the very antipodes of 
the owl. In form and habits they are unlike ; but each 
bird is mysterious and secluded. The solitary owl acts from his 
own undivulged motives and keeps his own counsel. The grega- 
rious crane also holds aloof from the world, and conducts himself 
with entire independence of its modes, wishes, or opinions. Each, 
however, holds his share of animal characteristics according to 
his requirements, and this one of humor, I am convinced, from 
observation, is a well-defined attribute in the composition of both. 
In the case of the owl I have given above such evidence as I 
could put in words. I know that it may seem insufficient to the 
reader who has never had the opportunity of watching, analyzing, 
and comparing each little act and peculiarity with the whole, 
rounded character of the owl, and from this arriving at his 
conclusions. But the dance of the cranes, as often witnessed by 
travellers upon the vast Western plains, performed by hundreds 
of individuals, each exerting his utmost powers to surpass all 
others in extravagance of action, is more reasonably explained 
as being a grand general frolic of these strange birds than by 
attributing it to any other tribal motive. In a dance pure and 
simple the element of humor does not necessarily enter. But 
dances, like every thing else, may be employed for the outward 
expression of various sentiments. The pleasure afforded by the 

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io Humor in Animals. 

" poetry of motion," for instance, it is claimed, torms the chief 
incentive for the dances of which the young of the human species 
are so fond. Indians engage in a frantic war dance before going 
forth to do battle. The " Shakers " have a religious dance which 
to them is solemn and full of meaning, though to the unregenerate 
outside world it seems irresistibly funny. But certainly no one 
would ascribe a religious meaning to this dance of the cranes. It 
is not at all like a ballet dance, nor would it be more reasonable to 
call it a war dance in imitation of their wild human neighbors, 
since no fighting follows it. Had their ancient foes, the dwarfs, 
emigrated to this continent and colonized on the prairies, it 
might be a reasonable conjecture that the birds were preparing to 
renew the old warfare that Ovid celebrates, and that this was a 
prelude to one of those fierce, picturesque battles ; but as the 
dwarfs are not visibly there, nor foe of any sort save man, and as 
every feature of the dance seems to justify the conclusion, we are 
forced to the conviction that it is the season of fun and frolic with 
these fowls. It is the crane carnival, the festival where grotesque- 
ness rules the scene ; and that feeling is accompanied by a sense 
of the humorous akin to it — in short, a part of it. One of these 
performances in progress is a strange and most interesting sight. 
Each bird seems to use his utmost ingenuity to get himself into 
absurd positions and go through the most fantastic movements, 
thrusting the head close along the ground and hopping upon one 
foot with one wing to support it, he raises the other wing and leg 
high in air. Then, in a moment, he changes to an upright posi- 
tion, with the head at its utmost height ; both wings sweep the full 
extent of their half circle, touching at each extreme, and carrying 
the bird along by a succession of uncouth leaps. This evolution 
suddenly changes again to a crouching run, with the great wings 




THE BALLET DANCER. 



12 



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umor in 



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hovering close to the ground, as if in pursuit of a fast-fleeing ser- 
pent ; and so on through many fanciful evolutions for each one of 
the hundreds of birds. There is in all this evidently a purpose, 
and that purpose can be no other than the enjoyment, by each 
performer, of the absurd contest, in which every bird, uncouth at 
best, does his uttermost to look ridiculous. The enjoyment of the 
ridiculous is the sense of humor. 




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CROWS. 



THE crows or ravens have undoubtedly a large share of the 
trait of humor. It would be expected that these sagacious 
birds would afford a rich yield of anecdote to prove their claim, 
beyond all other fowls, except the parrot family. The truth is, how- 
ever, that there is less positive or direct evidence of humor in their 
character than in that of the other birds of which we have spoken ; 
unless, indeed, we regard the love of mischief as a proof of humor. 
In that case there is abundant testimony. It is difficult to account 
satisfactorily for the creature's irrepressible instinct to steal and 
hide away shining things. This may be, however, a distant family 
trait, a reflex of the miser element, that is so prevalent in the 
human family. And, after all, the great difference between the 
niggard man and the crow, seems to be the bird's inability to dis- 
tinguish between the precious and baser metals. He takes " all 
that glitters " for gold, which lessens the labor of hoarding con- 
siderably, and answers the same purpose to him as to the miser. 
The raven's covetousness, however, is not confined to shining 
objects. Things attractive from color or light and airy texture, 
also excite his cupidity. 

In a village where I lived many years ago, a crow named Jim, 
owned by a citizen, had the freedom of the town, although he was 
a great pest and threats against his life were constant. Notwith- 
standing this he was, upon the whole, a general favorite, and every 











THE PROBABLE FATE OF THE CAP. 



15 



i6 Humor in Animals. 

house seemed to be regarded by him as his home. One beautiful 
Sabbath morning, an old lady stood before her glass arranging her 
hair with most scrupulous care before putting on her new cap ; 
it had come home the night before, and hung upon a chair near 
the open window. As she was inserting the last hair-pin a rushing 
sound startled her. Looking around she saw Jim, his ebon coat 
shining in the sun with alternate green, purple, and gold. " Why 
Jim, you beauty ! " exclaimed the kindly old soul, admiringly, " is 
that you ? " Jim answered not a word, but, glancing about, he cast 
his eye upon that cap. One dash, and the next moment saw him, as 
also did several early church-goers, sailing over the town with the 
new cap streaming against the sky, and all its bright ribbons fluttering 
behind ! It was the last of the cap, within mortal ken ; and I may 
add that the old lady was moved by the incident to change her 
mind about attending church that morning. 

An old gentleman who had retired from business, amused him- 
self by raising choice fruits, and took pride and pleasure in sending 
to his friends and neighbors, baskets full of the finest in their season. 
But, on account of the birds, and particularly on account of Jim, he 
had a world of trouble with his cherries. He could, to be sure, set 
the boys to shoot the woodpeckers, and even the robins, and cherry- 
birds, but to remove Jim, who had taken it into his head to meddle 
with his ox-hearts, was out of the question. What was the more 
aggravating was that Jim's ravages were so wanton. Had he only 
stopped the work of destruction when he had enough, there would 
have been a limit ; but in his idleness he wasted indefinite quanti- 
ties of fruit, simply to gratify the pleasure he found in seeing them 
fall from the housetop to the ground. After watching a cherry 
until it struck the earth, he took no further interest in that experi- 
ment, but returned to the tree to make another. Picking another 




THE SCARE-CROW. 



17 



1 8 Humor in Animals. 

cherry, he would bring it back to the ridge of the house, always 
alighting a few feet back. Then, marching to the gable, he would 
let the cherry drop, at the same time turning his head, to watch its 
descent with one eye — after the manner of all fowls. This pastime 
he would keep up for hours together, to the great annoyance of the 
old gentleman, but, it must be confessed, to the delight of the vil- 
lagers generally. It is quite probable that the amusement of these 
idlers formed a part of the inducement for Jim to continue the mis- 
chief. He began it solely for his own entertainment, finding his 
diversion in watching the fruit in its fall, and seeing it diminish as 
it receded. It was probably an interesting mystery to his unsci- 
entific mind. But, being encouraged by the crowd of lookers-on, 
he took many more of the old man's cherries than he would 
have taken for his own entertainment alone. In all this, there 
was something nearly allied to the element of humor. 

It is only in the few instances where nothing else will explain 
the act, that we are able to say positively that this attribute is not 
confined to the human family. But these few cases are enough 
to make it certain that humor is often felt and indulged in ways 
outside of our conception, and by animals that we may never 
have suspected to possess it. Where fowl or brute is so constantly 
addicted to mischief, for mischief's sake, it can hardly be that 
humor does not enter into their performances. And it seems 
strange that many of the most intelligent creatures that are most 
likely to possess this quality in a large degree, are so ambiguous in 
all that they do, as to show no certain trace of this one element in 
any act. The raven family are so full of most astonishing cunning 
and sagacity, wild or tame, and in a domestic state so constantly 
prone to mischief, it seems to me they must be possessed of 
humor as well, yet I am unable to point to a single instance to 



c. 



rows. 



19 



positively prove it. They soon learn that which is of any advantage 
for them. How well they know the use the farmer has for a gun! 
How well they distinguish its form from that of a hoe, rake, crowbar, 
or any like implement that he carries ! The crow studies out all 
man's devices for entrapping or frightening him. It requires but a 
short acquaintance to render the " scare-crow " a misnomer, and he is 
quite shrewd enough to understand why the stuffed image is placed 
in the field. And I may add here that it is well he is able to pro- 
tect himself aeainst these indiscreet efforts to exterminate him. 
Notwithstanding his forays upon planted fields, the protection that 
he gives to the crops far exceeds his encroachments upon them. 
The farmer could better afford to sow a double, yes, a quadruple 
quantity of seed, than dispense with his services as a worm- and 
insect-destroyer. 





SWALLOWS' JOKES. 



AN incident which I have just heard from a most reliable source, 
seems to me — though not furnishing conclusive evidence — 
a fair proof that swallows are also possessed of humor. No one who 
has watched these sprightly creatures in their flight, now skimming 
close to the surface of the still lake, their reflected forms seeming 
to double their numbers, now mounting high over the tree tops 
and houses, darting here and there and making the calm sky 
lively with their airy gambols, can doubt the joyousness of their 
existence. Nor can the- careful observer of general nature have 
failed to observe that the exhilaration of such buoyant pleasures 
develops a spirit of mischief, and, as I have before said, this spirit 
is but another phase or form of humor. But to my story. My 
friend, who is the principal of a military academy, told me that 
when he took possession of his present flourishing institution and 
brought his family to the establishment, it had been some t'me de- 
serted, having run down entirely under the preceding administra- 
tion. The rambling old building was uninhabited, save by a colony 
of chimney swallows who had their numerous nests in the ample 
old-fashioned chimney, and were sporting in vast numbers in the 
great kitchen, which they entered from the fireplace, as well as 
through a window that had been left open. He had brought with 
him a corps of servants ready to put the place in order at once, and 
to prepare it for occupancy. Among these servants was an Irish 



20 



22 Humor in Ant7?zals. 

cook, as massive as became her occupation, and excitable, super- 
stitious, and exuberant as became her nationality. Immediately 
upon arriving, this sturdy cook waddled down the stairs to inspect 
the kitchen ; upon thrusting open the cobwebby door she found 
herself an intruder upon her own precincts, as it were. She was 
overwhelmed at the presence of so much company ; as she herself 
expressed it, she stood spachless ! The birds also were thrown into 
great perturbation by the unwonted visitation, darting wildly about 
the room, and making a perfect din of twitter. The master, who 
happened to be where he could look through a side window, was 
an interested witness, and described the scene to me. As the cook 
did not move from the spot where she stood, the little creatures be- 
gan to regain confidence, and seemed to regard her more with 
curiosity than fear, and grew continually bolder as they saw no 
effort to restrain them. Those outside, to be sure, would for a 
time approach the window, then lose courage, wheel, circle around 
the air, come again and again, until they mustered courage to go 
in and investigate the bulky figure of the cook with their fellows, 
darting across the room at first, up the chimney, and so on, around 
to the open window again, until the whole colony became a living 
band circling around through the kitchen by way of window and 
chimney. All this time the cook stood in dazed wonder ! Still 
the little birds, growing all the while more impudent, flew past her 
a black, fluttering mass, and now began to make little detours 
towards her, which all the time came nearer and nearer as each 
swallow vied with his leader in bravado, until they fairly flapped 
their saucy wings in her very face, and really seemed to greatly 
enjoy her consternation ! But an Irish tongue cannot long remain 
"spachless" and cook, indignant at the impudence of the "little 
bastes" broke out with all the choice invectives the nimble Celtic 



Swallows yokes. 23 

brain can conceive under the incentive of extraordinary provoca- 
tion. She began to strike at the creatures with both of her plump 
red hands. To dodge around them gave new poignancy to the 
swallows' sport, and they indulged in it with such zest and vigor 
that the cook was forced to seek refuge in flight. She labored up 
the stairs again where she presented herself before her mistress, 
breathless as well as " spachless." Soon regaining her breath, 
however, speech followed presently. She entertained the lady for 
half an hour with a most instructive medley of wit, wisdom, 
nonsense, drollery, and superstition, until breath and "spach v gave 
out again. The swallows and Mrs. Cook afterwards became good 
friends, though the birds were banished from the kitchen. 

My informant was convinced from what he saw, that after re- 
covering their confidence, those birds were well aware of the effect 
of their impudent assault upon the cook, and delighted at it. Had 
he needed further support for this conviction, the birds again 
furnished it by subsequently attempting the same trick upon him- 
self and wife. As the two were seated upon the front porch one 
afternoon, they observed the swallows circling nearer and nearer to 
where they sat ; and, remembering the experience of the cook, 
suspected what was premeditated. The hall ran through the 
house, and both doors were open, so that it was evident the 
birds had seen the light, and contemplated another wild chase 
through the hall, to end up probably with attentions to them- 
selves. Already now and then one darted under the roof of the 
porch over their heads, then flew far away into upper air, as if to 
recover breath after the daring exploit. If there had been any 
doubt of their design, it was revealed when one brave fellow 
boldly entered the hall door. He was scarcely in, however, be- 
fore he lost heart, wheeled and out again with a cry of alarm as 



24 Humor in Animals. 

if really pursued, and sailed swiftly away from danger and tempta- 
tion. His example was soon followed by others, however, until 
several entered boldly. But in the darkness of the hall the nerv- 
ous leader lost his head, and consequently his way, getting into 
the parlor, the door of which was also open, and there into a 
hopeless muddle. Of course, his followers did not arrive at the 
point of paying their attentions to the lady and gentleman. Their 
projected frolic was a failure ; and they were only too glad to 
use the ways of escape — the parlor windows that were kindly 
opened to them. 





THE PARROT FAMILY. 



WE now come to a family of birds whose actions are so clear 
as to render mistake as to their character impossible. There 
can no be misunderstanding the motives for many, at least, of the 
acts and antics of parrots. This numerous family of birds, unique 
in their form and general construction, quaint in every motion, and 
comical in expression, forms an inexhaustible theme and study. In 
many respects parrots are distinct from all others of the feathered 
tribe. As minutely observing as are the ravens, parrots are also 
marvellously imitative, especially of the sound and tones of voice, 
etc. It is doubtful whether they have any conception of the im- 
port of the words they are taught to utter, but as they are seldom, 
if ever, inapt in the use of their limited vocabulary, we must con- 
clude that they have something of that partial understanding that 
children have — that of associating sounds with incidents and things. 
When an occasion arises where an expression they have learned 
would be appropriate they are pretty sure to volunteer a remark 
including it ; and always, seemingly, with more or less waggish or 
mischievous intent. My friend is the owner of a parrot who is an 
extraordinary talker. There is never a knock at the door that he 
does not cry out, " Come in ! " When the guest enters, he says, 
" Good-morning," without much reference to the time of day how- 
ever, and this he follows up with the inquiry : " Just come in ; 
what 's the news ? " 



26 Humor in Animals. 

Among other things, he has been taught to spell dog, and 
confirm the correctness of his spelling as follows : " d-o-g dog, 
bow-wow, that 's right ! " One day his master heard him repeat- 
ing his exercise with the " o " left out — thus : " d-g dog, bow-wow, 
that 's right! " and repeating it so often and watching his master 
so close, my friend had no doubt it was done for the purpose of 
provoking correction. So turning to the bird, he said: " No, Poll ; 
that is not right, d-o-g dog, that is right," " d-g dog, bow-wow, 
that 's right ! " returned the parrot. After correcting him several 
times with the same result, the bird replied, perhaps betraying a 
little irritation in his voice : " Well, it s no matter! " and dropped 
the subject. 

The attribute of humor is undoubtedly found among every 
species of parrots. It would be difficult to say, however, which 
particular species is endowed with the greater share. Its ex- 
pression in some is vague and obscure, while in others it is so 
much within the scope of human understanding, that the meaning 
of almost every act is obvious. A gentleman had a seemingly 
ungifted parrot. He never developed any particular sense until, 
one day, he was given a piece of meat which the cat coveted and 
climbed up to the cage to purloin. The bird offered no resistance, 
but on the contrary fluttered about the top of the cage in great per- 
turbation and tremor, until in her efforts the cat turned in such a 
manner that the tail fell between the bars of the cage. The parrot, 
seeing this, seemed to forget his fear, dropped instantly to the 
bottom of the cage, caught the obtruding tail in his strong beak, 
and gave it such a vigorous pinch as sent the cat squalling to the 
floor. Immediately the bird set up a ha ! ha ! in splendid imita- 
tion of his master's laugh, which he was never before known to 
attempt. Nor did he ever try it again, for the cat never gave him 




THE CAT AND THE PARROT. 



27 



28 Humor in Animals. 

another occasion. This case has a singular interest. The bird's 
recognition of the fitness of the occasion showed that he knew 
what laughter indicated. 

A favorite parrot that had escaped from his cage was seen to 
fly into a small orchard. The alarmed family repaired immediately 
to the spot, taking the cage with them, but the bird was nowhere 
to be seen. For nearly two hours the party searched in vain 
among those few trees. He could be nowhere else ; the orchard 
was so isolated, that he could not have left it and gone elsewhere 
without being observed. In the midst of this search, a neighbor s 
son, seeing that something unusual was going on, came through the 
yard, and upon approaching the orchard wall, his eye was attracted 
by a slight movement in a thick clump of foliage of a tree near the 
entrance. A closer scouting revealed the parrot ; he saw the green 
head of the bird peering out at the searchers, and watching them 
with such absorbing interest that he had not seen or heard the 
lad, who was then able to observe his movements without his 
presence being known to the bird. 

The boy was surprised at the evident intention of the bird to 
conceal himself, but whether from a spirit of mischief or with an 
ultimate view of escape, he could not determine, so watched his 
motions with much curiosity, and stood long enough to become 
satisfied that the parrot was really enjoying his pursuers' perplexity, 
as he took such an engrossing interest in their movements. When 
any one approached his hiding-place, he withdrew his head under 
cover cf the leaves and remained perfectly quiet until the person 
turned again, when the rascal would crane his neck around to 
watch the receding form, seemingly with great delight. At length 
the lad, whose approach had not been observed by either party, 
called out : " Here he is ! " Without waiting, the bird immediately 



The Parrot Family. 29 

left his cover, stepped out upon the limb screaming, whether with 
delight or anger none could tell ; it might have been the latter, 
however, as he stopped to call the boy a " little devil ! " And 
when the searching party came up and his mistress chid him, he 
innocently asked : " What 's the matter ? " There was no mis- 
taking this creature's motives ; the spirit of pure mischief kept him 
all that time quiet in his hiding-place, and entertained at the 
annoyance and anxiety he was able to inflict. 

I remember a magnificent cockatoo that graced the door of a 
bird-fancier many years ago. Over one arm of his perch hung a 
number of wicker cages in which canary-birds were exposed for 
sale. It was the cockatoo's wont to creep under these, upon his 
perch, unseen by the little birds, and utter a scream that brought 
pedestrians to a stand-still for blocks. They turned and wondered 
what was the matter, but the splendid bird, only intent upon the 
little canaries, was indifferent to the effect of his screech upon the 
public. He would raise his head in front of the cages, with crest 
erected, to see if the birds were frightened, as they probably were ; 
but being so closely confined, they had nothing to do but sit still 
and stare back at him. Nothing daunted, however, he tried it again 
and again. This was, of course, meant for a joke on the canaries. 

Going into a bird-fancier's shop not long since, my attention 
was turned to a beautiful specimen of the scarlet macaw, who sat 
on a perch in the middle of the room in regal splendor, monarch of 
the place. No sooner did he see that I noticed him, than he pre- 
sented his right claw, waving it up and down, and said : " How 
d' ye do ? " Prudence, however, getting the better of politeness 
with me, I ignored the civility and went on admiring him in such 
phrase as should have excited a feeling of gratitude, if he had hap- 
pened to have such a sentiment about him. Gratitude was evi- 



3° H^tmor in Animals. 

dently dormant in his make-up. He thrust his claw still farther 
toward me, and repeated in a still higher key : " How d' ye do ? " 
while the shopman stood by smiling. I still paid no attention, 
however, when the man said : " He wants to shake hands with 
you." " Yes, I know," said I ; " and I dorit think that 's all he 
wants ! Would he not bite my finger ? " " Well, he might pinch 
it a little," said he, laughing outright. The macaw immediately 
uttered a cackling sound which passed for a laugh, and I joined in 
too. So we three enjoyed a hearty laugh at nobody's expense, 
like three jolly fellows of one race. It seemed to please the 
creature as much as though he had succeeded in his rascally trick. 
What prompted the bird ? 

A plethoric butcher, who ate too much of his own beef and 
took too little exercise, kept in his shop a very intelligent parrot. 
One day the master fell dead in his stall. Poll saw it but said 
nothing. Not knowing what to say, most sensibly he kept his 
mouth closed, but the curious bird became an attentive observer of 
the exciting scene that followed. The solemn silence of the 
neighboring marketmen, as they raised the body and placed it upon 
a bench and covered it with a cloth, speaking only when occasion 
required, and then in a subdued tone ; the violent grief of the poor 
widow, the broken sobs of other friends, seemed to impress Poll 
that it was an occurrence too sacred for the curious ^aze of the out- 
side world, or, at least, one so extraordinary as to require a degree 
of privacy, and he cried out in an authoritative tone : " Put up the 
shutters ! " This, though in itself a very sensible suggestion, com- 
ing from such a source, in such a tone, was rather shocking ; and, 
not knowing what might follow, it was whispered to a near neigh- 
bor, that the bird had better be removed. While this person was 
going with the cage through a hall to a back room, the irrepressible 



The Parrot Family. 3 1 

parrot still showed his interest in the occurrence by demanding 
" What 's all this row aboiit? " Would a child have been more apt ? 
Could any one, indeed, have proposed any thing more fitting than 
the first remark ? 

A little daughter of a friend of mine has a very clever parrot, 
not only a great pet of hers, but also a favorite in the family. 
Naturally, the bird was not accustomed to neglect. One 
holiday the little girl had a number of her schoolmates visiting 
her, and for the time forgot her pet. As the children were 
playing in the room where Poll's cage was hanging, the bird called 
out : " Polly wants a cracker! " The little girls, being absorbed 
in their play, paid no attention to his demand. Seeing this, he 
repeated : " Polly wants a cracker ! " Still no response ; when he 
repeated it several times in quick succession, then watched the 
result ; but this only elicited a merry laugh from the giddy children, 
which seemed to irritate Poll beyond endurance, and he cried in a 
high tone, but with measured distinctness : " Pol-ly-wants-a- 
crack-crack- cracker ! " This brought the young company all to the 
cage, when the little mistress, seeing nothing there, exclaimed : 
" Sure enough, Poll is hungry." " Sure enough ! " repeated Poll. 

I might go on indefinitely, repeating the sayings and doings of 
these semi-human birds, or, if I may be allowed the comparison, 
these feathered monkeys, for they seem to take that position among 
birds. Among many anecdotes I have selected these few, and for 
all of the facts that I have not myself witnessed, I have good 
authority. Do they not prove my claim, that these creatures 
possess a sense of humor, and also seem to substantiate my 
theory, that the birds have about the same crude sense of the 
meaning of words as little children have, and, as far as they go, 
use them pretty much in the same manner? 



w (ff r ^ . 


^l^s 








^— — j 


V^fcp-^^ 


^^^^ 


MjZlf*\f^\iA 




re- 1- 


^i 






— \(^-^ 





DOMESTIC FOWLS. 



I CAN make out nothing about the finer feelings of fowls. They 
express so little character outwardly, that whatever emotions 
they may have, beyond the commonest physical pleasures or pains, 
are known only to themselves. The peacock shows evident vanity ; 
the swan shows pride ; and the strutting turkey -gobbler seems to feel 
a sort of arrogant peevish pride, as if he knew how little he had to 
build upon, and was in constant fear of provoking contempt rather 
than respect. Yet his haughty manner may be no indication of 
such definite feelings. At all events, he is not accused of possess- 
ing the sense we are looking for, or, indeed, any other. An 
old goose is always the same — an old goose and nothing more. 
Nor do chickens show any wits upon which to found an argument. 
The most visionary theorist can claim little for them, beyond their 
usefulness to man. 

The pigeon family, at least as we now know it, forms no 
exception to the rule of dulness. Still I may put in a sort of 
family claim for them through means of a creature who is a so- 
journer, at least (by classification), in the ancient House of Pigeons. 
The reader will please note the phraseology. Not in the pigeon- 
house or dove-cote ; by the House of Pigeons I mean their line, the 
large and respectable family of the Columbariae. 



32 



THE CASE OF THE DODO. 



THE average man draws his conclusions from certain premises 
that he is loath to give up. He refuses to accept a new idea 
or to look at a subject in another light, though he might thereby solve 
a question which he could never understand from his unyielding 
standpoint. In his superficial study of the lower animals, he asks 
few questions. His first inquiry is, What is the creature's utility ?. 
That means, of course, of what advantage is he to man ? Has his 
pelt, flesh, bones, tallow, mind- or muscle-force any commercial 
value ? If not, then why was he created ? For what possible 
reason could the creature have been made ? That the animal is 
happy, that life to him has charms which make it precious and 
constrain him to guard it as zealously as man does his own, is of 
no consequence. He cannot conceive that a creature less than 
man could have been created simply for himself, and to augment 
the sum of animal enjoyment. On the other hand, the learned 
man feels a little piqued that he has not been taken into the Cre- 
ator's confidence, and entrusted with his secrets, and had explained 
to him the reasons for his mysterious acts, since he has taken such 
an ardent interest in his affairs. He feels that his rights have been 
withheld ; he has pursued these studies so earnestly, searched so 
diligently, and found out so little ! So, with lofty resentment, he 
ignores the Creator altogether, and even denies the existence cf a 
Supreme Power, and attributes his works to the action of ever- 

33 




THE END OF THE DODO 



3-1 










5 twyv^i/i 



35 



36 Htimor in Animals. 

existing, self-adjusting laws, that act by force, not reason, and 
therefore can give no reason. The scientist pursues his studies 
without reference to an intelligent, great first cause, depending, 
when he can do no better, upon theory to supply all deficiencies, 
until something more substantial can be found. One of his most 
puzzling conundrums, both as to whence and wherefore, is the ex- 
tinct bird called the dodo. To add to his perplexity, the creature 
went out of existence some three centuries ago, and thus circum- 
scribed his opportunities of studying him. He has, nevertheless, 
been very diligent in his efforts to classify the bird. Beginning 
with the ostrich, he has carried him, as it were, down the whole 
line of feathered tribes, trying to fit him in somewhere, but seemed 
to find no suitable niche, and each family not only rejected this 
relationship, but brooded and sulked over the indignity, until, it is 
said, they finally rose in mass and pecked the poor nondescript 
off the face of the earth, and that is what became of the unfortunate 
dodo. The scientific man then prudently dropped the matter for 
the time, and waited a few centuries for the excitement to die out, 
when he quietly picked him up again and foisted him upon the 
pigeons — poor, helpless, unoffending doves ! 

Lyell says that Mr. Strickland agrees with Prof. Reinhardt, and 
calls the dodo a vulture-like, frugiverous pigeon i Now, that is a 
most discreet classification ; it is one in which extremes meet. 

There is a wide difference between the vulture and pigeon. 
Certainly as wide, generally, as the pigeon can conveniently make 
it ! Wise Strickland ! wise Reinhardt ! A vulture-like fruit-eater ! 
What could be more comprehensive ? Of course, the compound- 
ing of such a vast amount of heterogeneous matter must result in 
something that could not be expected to resemble either vulture or 
pigeon in any one particular. That is why, probably, the two 
birds the least resembling were chosen to describe it. 




jkH-^WT 



37 



38 Humor in Animals. 

The scientist has not much farther to go with him, however ; 
he must stop when he has inflicted him upon the humming-birds. 
Think of him (the dodo, not the learned pundit) on agile wing, 
hovering about a honeysuckle ! But even this difficulty of finding 
out where the uncouth bird belongs, is not the greatest that the 
scientific man has to contend with. When he existed, for what did 
he exist ? That 's the great question. Certainly he was not for 
beauty, nor for sweetness ; his odor long survived him upon his 
native isle. Nor yet for grace, — oh, no ! Nor could he have 
served for a carrier-pigeon ; that must have been quite out of his 
line ; if pigeon at all, he certainly was not of that branch of the 
family. He was not made for swiftness, like the ostrich, with 
whom he once claimed kinship. Nor yet for a musician ; it is be- 
lieved he could not have told " Yankee Doodle " from " Old Hun- 
dred," as ordinarily played, or a village band from a steam calliope. 
What, then, was the creature invented for ? Undoubtedly, just 
for fun ! Just look at him ! But for whose fun ? Why, his own, 
to be sure. No other creature ever had any fun out of him. 
Therefore, there was a great deal in him. The logic is conclusive ; 
he must have been full of it. My position is proven. The little- 
wanted, much-abused dodo was a wag, who had all his fun to 
himself. 

With the problematic dodo must end my chapter of birds. 
Few of them seem much available for my purpose ; but could I 
get nearer to their inner life, I have no doubt that volumes 
might be written in proof of their claim to a sense of humor. 



ELEPHANTINE JOKES. 



THOUGH this is a great subject, I approach it with hesitation, 
feeling little confidence that I shall be able to handle it 
very lightly, or to extract much for my purpose from the great 
mass of material. I have no doubt, however, that if a shrewd ob- 
server, an earnest, interested student of nature, were constantly 
associated with one specimen of this solemnly moving monster, 
he would find him full of that sort of sportiveness classed as 
humor. Though the elephant often does quaint, ludicrous, and 
unexpected things, the grim expression of his countenance never 
changes. How can we know what internal feelings move him ? He 
may be all alive with merriment inside, while none of the fun 
permeates his thick skin. The superior intelligence of this 
creature is undoubted, and it stands to reason that some humor- 
ous feeling should compose a part, though the evidence is not as 
conclusive as in many other animals. It has never been quite 
convenient for me to keep specimens in my house ; and, not 
having had a veritable elephant on my hands at any time of my 
life, I am sorry to say that my opportunities for studying his 
character have been circumscribed. I have given some observa- 
tion to those great vagrant elephants that are always to be found 
loafing about zoological gardens and following travelling shows ; 
but I must depend largely upon well-authenticated anecdotes to 
sustain my conclusions. 

39 



40 Humor in Animals. 

There is no positive, unmistakable proof that the elephant 
does any of his many tricks from motives pure of mischief ; 
other and graver impulses, revenge especially, also move him. 
There is much evidence, however, that his wantonness, and often 
his revenges, do partake largely of humor. The oft-told anecdote 
of the elephant whose trunk was pricked by a tailor, and who 
punished him by spirting muddy water over him and his work, 
shows not only retaliation, but a real sense of humor as well, in 
the nicety with which the redress was gauged. He undoubtedly 
enjoyed it ; this delicate discrimination shows this. He was 
evidently a little irritated by the prick, yet he understood the 
act as it was meant and returned it in kind, for had he been less 
intelligent and destitute of a sense of humor, he would have been 
enraged, and that would have been no joke to the tailor ! The 
freak of an escaped elephant who tried to enter a crockery store 
too small for him, must also have been prompted by an apprecia- 
tion of the absurd unfitness of things. 

A story is told of an artist who wanted a sketch of an ele- 
phant, with trunk raised and mouth open, and got his friend 
to go with him to the Jardin des Plantes to induce the attitude 
he wanted, by throwing fruit into the open mouth. With a 
spirit of economy, or mischief, or perhaps both, the friend some- 
times made the motion without throwing the fruit. The elephant 
put up with this several times, much to the gratification of the 
artist's friend, but not to the final satisfaction of the painter 
himself. The brute, getting tired of the imposition, filled his 
trunk with water from a bucket near by ; and then, ignoring 
the agent as not of sufficient consequence to meet the full re- 
quirements of his resentment, he turned his battery full upon 
the artist, as the real offender, with such force as to knock 




J I 



42 H^l / mor in Animals. 

him off the stool, and to ruin the sketch. How he came to 
understand the connection between the two offenders it is diffi- 
cult to say ; but he somehow knew that the attitude was required 
for a purpose, and seeing the painter busy upon the paper, he 
reasoned that there was where the interest of the whole project 
was centred, and therefore set to work to spoil all. It is too 
much to suppose that he had any idea of the nature of the work. 
He had all his life been associated with man, and knew that his 
purposes were often beyond his ken, but also knew his ways well 
enough to understand that what he saw him busy about was a 
matter of interest to him. Considering the great intelligence 
that prompted the act, does any one believe there was no inward 
chuckle, no internal enjoyment of the poor artist's discomfiture, 
and that the deed itself was not in part animated by a desire to 
see his ridiculous plight ? As in the case of the tailor, a more 
savage revenge was in his power, but in that there would have 
been no fun for anybody. 




DOGS AND THEIR FUN. 



DOGS have humor beyond a doubt. That it is not often un- 
mistakably manifest I will admit ; but sometimes it is well 
defined, and therefore I need not argue the question, and bring up 
a great array of uncertain testimony to prove that I may be 
right. This, however satisfactory to myself, for I have much to 
sustain it that cannot be put in language, would be insufficient 
for the reader. In the case of dogs, however, I stand on no such 
equivocal ground. I have but to tell a few facts that have fallen 
under my own observation, to establish my claim, yet it is 
singular — very — that this motive so seldom appears as absolutely 
the governing one in dog's doings. If some dogs are gifted with 
humor, all have it to a greater or less degree. There is probably 
no man entirely without some sense of humor, though some 
may seem quite devoid of it. On the other hand, there are born 
wags, — they can't help it ! So with their brute companions. 
Now and then a dog is gifted in like manner ; while most of the 
race so mingle various impulses in their sportiveness that the 
waggery cannot be detected as a positive element. But, fortu- 
nately for my purpose, there are cases where nothing else will 
explain their motives. 

In my boyhood days there was left in my charge a remarkably 
intelligent pointer, well broken for bird-hunting and consequently 
valuable. But boys care little for this, and no sooner was 

43 



44 



Humor in Animals. 



Wallace fairly in my possession than I, with the help of all the 
boys in the village, set about extending his education to other 
branches of field sports. Especially did we initiate him into the 
mysteries of rabbit-hunting, of which he was very fond. But he 
had no stomach, for woodchucks. He was a nervous, timid 
creature, and, after the first encounter, where he disgraced 
himself, he seemed to feel it always afterwards. It became a 
matter of great amusement with us to find a woodchuck hole and 
invite Wallace to join the sport. The moment he smelled out 
the character of the occupant, however, he would turn to us with 
a most ludicrous, shamed look ; and, smiling an excuse, he would 
positively decline all farther participation. I say smiling, for he 
had this power, not uncommon with dogs of his species, as well 
as with setters, greyhounds, and sometimes spaniels. This smile 
consists in twisting the nose to one side, and showing the teeth 
in a pleasant way, which then have an entirely different look 
from what they have when exposed in anger. The expression is 
unmistakably that of a smile, and always denotes the same senti- 
ments of mirth and pleasure as in man. 

One day my companions and myself were crossing a wheat- 
field after harvest. Wallace was quite a distance ahead, beating 
about here and there, that vibrating tail in constant motion, 
smelling in the stubble for rabbit tracks ; and we were watching 
his movements lest we should not be ready to join the chase the 
moment he should strike the scent. Suddenly the dog left 
earth, jumping high in air, — so high that his form, for a 
moment, was clearly cut against the blue distance. Of course, 
this unexpected performance was greeted with peals of laughter 
from his boy companions ; and he had almost grown to be a boy 
himself, so perfect was the sympathy and understanding between 



Dogs and their Fun. 45 

us. Wallace looked foolishly at us for a moment, then shrivelled 
Up his nose and grinned as was his wont upon such occasions, 
wagging his tail undecidedly all the time — in short, trying to lie 
out of it by every device at his command, since he was not able 
to speak. Seeing, however, that he had not yet succeeded, he 
did not propose to give it up so. Again he began his run as 
usual, snuffing zealously in the stubble, and presently he bounced 
up again as before, and then turned to us again to smile com- 
placently. It was to assure us that the performance was purely 
for our amusement, and that he was overjoyed at his success. 
He played this antic several times ; in fact, he overdid it so that 
we were led to investigate. Going to the scene of the first leap, 
we found there a large toad ; he had put his nose upon it in the 
weeds, and this had startled him so that he made that first extra- 
ordinary jump. Now we laughed at him in ridicule, which he 
perfectly understood. He looked very silly and tried the trick 
no more. 

There were many things worth recording in this dog's life 
that summer, though nothing else that I now remember that 
bears directly upon our subject We quite spoiled the dog's 
training, I suppose ; still, the pleasure to all was worth the price 
of another trained dog. The unrestrained hunting and free 
companionship of a lot of wanton boys was a new and joyful 
experience to the animal ; as for myself, the long happy days of 
that untrammelled season with the boys and that dog still shines 
out a bright spot in my retrospect of the past. 

Happy, happiest days ! We were what I read in a great but 
almost unknown poem : 

" A race of real children ! not too wise, 
Too learned, or too good ; but wanton, fresh, 



46 Humor in Animals. 

And bandied up and down by love and hate ; 

Not unresentful when self-justified ; 

Fierce, moody, patient, venturous, modest, shy ; 

Mad at our sports like withered leaves in winds. — 

Unfading recollections ! at. this hour 

The heart is almost mine with which I felt, 

From some hill-top on sunny afternoons, 

The paper kite, high among fleecy clouds, 

Pull at her rim like an impetuous courser ; 

Or, from the meadows sent on gusty days, 

Beheld her breast the winds, then suddenly 

Dashed headlong, and rejected by the storm. 

At last, 

When all the ground was dark, and twinkling stars 
Edged the black clouds, home and to bed we went, 
Feverish with weary joints and beating minds." 

— The Prelude. 

A fine-looking dog, of mixed breed, owned by a friend of 
mine, was a great wag or practical joker, though the stolid 
indifference with which he regarded the havoc he sometimes 
wrought would not seem to indicate the least pleasure on his 
part. In truth, this acting was overdone, and would certainly 
have betrayed him, had not the excitement consequent upon his 
rascally tricks centred all attention upon his victim. Frank 
was in every way a sly dog ; he never seemed to do any thing 
openly, never appeared to see or observe any thing that was 
going on around him, yet his knowledge of facts, when he wanted 
to use them, proved that nothing escaped his notice. This 
naturally made him a great favorite with his master, who was 
himself a lover of fun. He found the traits that he would 
detest in a fellow-man, cunning and interesting in his dog. 
Frank had conceived a dangerous fancy for playing upon the 



Dogs and their Fun. 47 

nervousness of horses, and seemed to know by instinct the most 
timorous, who were the best for his purpose. He had learned, 
in some way, that certain horses of a suspicious disposition and 
high nervous temperament could be made frantic by feeling 
the unexpected touch of an unseen object upon their heels, — 
that they would kick with frenzy at the unknown thing, taking 
whatever object fell within range as the cause of the offence, 
and kicking away while it lasted ! So Frank, when unobserved, 
or believing himself so, would stand in his master's door, in the 
most innocent manner, and look up and down the street, quietly 
selecting a suitable victim. He made his choice among the 
horses driven in by the farmers and hitched along the sides of 
the street, as is the custom in smaller towns, while their owners 
go among the stores to " do their trading." Having made his 
selection with unerring judgment, Frank would saunter down the 
sidewalk until nearly opposite the unsuspecting animal, when he 
would halt, look around idly, as if he hardly knew what he 
wanted. If happily there were another dog in the street or 
over the way, Frank would trot out to exchange greetings with 
him ; but on his return he would invariably take his course to 
the rear of his intended victim. Then, smelling along the 
ground, and seemingly by the merest accident in the world, 
he would touch the sensitive heels with his nose, taking good 
care, however, that his head should not be in the way of the 
flying hoofs ; when he would stand near by, scarcely a spectator, 
so great was his indifference, while dashboard and buggy-front 
are flying in splinters all over the street, and everybody is too 
much excited and interested in the strange alarm of the horse to 
notice a dog standing there, — save those who know him and his 
tricks / All this the dog did accomplish upon one occasion to my 



4-8 Hitmor in Animals. 

certain knowledge. He was suspected of being the cause of a 
disastrous runaway, being seen near the start, but there was no 
stronger evidence against him. 

A well-to-do farmer, known as Old Markey, lived just on the 
outskirts of the village. He had turned the management of a 
splendid farm over to the boys, and occupied himself with fine 
horses, of which he kept a number for his own special use. One 
day Old Markey came riding down the main street upon a pran- 
cing young stallion ; the saddle, bridle, and all trappings were 
span new, creaking at every motion ; horse and rider seemed in 
perfect sympathy. The latter, at least, enjoyed the gallant 
outfit to the utmost, when in an evil moment Frank sighted 
him. He evidently took in the situation at once. As the horse 
moved sideways, the progress down the street was not rapid. 
The heel end of the horse being also towards his master's store, 
gave the villainous dog ample time and opportunity for his favor- 
ite trick ; circumstances seemed all to favor him. A wagon, stand- 
ing just in front, shielded his direct approach, and, under cover of 
this, he slyly walked as far as it would serve, then emerged far 
enough to give the magic touch and withdrew. The deed was 
done, and the giddy heels flew heavenwards, the astonished rider 
earthwards. But catching upon the creature's neck, there Old 
Markey hung for a moment, calling lustily for help. The ex- 
cited animal did not attempt to run, as he had n't time enough 
for the kicking he wanted to do ; but standing in his fore-tracks, 
he expressed his feelings with great vigor. When Old Markey 
was helped down unhurt, and stood soothing the trembling 
beast, he said he supposed it was a durned bat-fly that did it. 
But Frank did not escape this time unobserved ; a man, who 
knew him, was sitting in his buggy a little way up the street, 




CROSS MY PALM WITH SILVER! 



49 



5o 



Humor in Animals, 



waiting for his wife to do a little " trading," and noticed Frank's 
manoeuvre and saw the evident intention. He got out, came 
down the walk to where the crowd was gathered, and quietly 
whispered in my friend's ear, that he had better get rid of his 
funny dog ! My friend had for some time held this opinion him- 
self, but was uncertain what to do with him. 

Only a few days afterwards I became the unconscious means 
of ridding him of this dangerously jocose dog, and without any 
effort on his part. Meeting some young people in his store one 
afternoon, we were told that there was a camp of gypsies in the 
woods across the river. I borrowed my friend's horse and car- 
riage, and taking one of the young ladies, we drove over, and 
Frank followed. While we were eagerly listening to our fortunes, 
told by an old hag with a straw bonnet on upside down and hind- 
side before, the tawny and wrinkled visage looking out from the 
opening intended for the neck, one of the rascally gypsy-men 
stole the dog. But when we missed him, and realized the 
prospect of his making one of their vicious horses kick out 
his master's brains, we felt that Frank might not have lived 
in vain. 

Another dog of my acquaintance, also belonging to a friend, 
was a funny joker too. He was a mongrel of medium size, not 
too tall nor yet too short, but just about right, in fact, for his 
own waggish purposes. My friend and I used often to walk 
together for pleasure, to which Sport (his appropriate name) 
was no slight addition. We left the more populated part of the 
town, and went where the roads were grassy and the lots open. 
The pigs were allowed to run at liberty, and were frequently met 
with, quietly cropping the grass and grunting their satisfaction. 
This sight was always regarded by Sport as an opportunity for 



Dogs and their Fun. 5i 

him to justify the choice of his name. He would immediately 
make for the pig, who, of course, started to run. Sport, running 
up even with his side, would not attempt to catch him by the 
near ear, or any such practice of ordinary dogs, as the experienced 
swine undoubtedly expected. He knew a way of getting more 
fun out of a pig than that ! When the proper distance was 
established, and the two animals were just in position, he would 
thrust his head under the pig's belly, adroitly catch him by the 
opposite flank, and suddenly come to a stand-still with a brace. 
This, with the pig's momentum, would, of course, bring him 
entirely over, and he would, to his great astonishment, land upon 
his back instead of his feet at the next leap ! Then Sport would 
let him go, turn to us with wagging tail and head on one side, 
and give us a whimsical, inquiring look, as much as to ask : 
" How is that for a joke on the pig ? " 

Within the circle of my canine acquaintance was one Kanuck, 
also a character. Kanuck was a bull-dog, but the savagery of his 
nature was tempered by a great love and faithfulness to his 
master, and, what was most singular for a dog of his race, he 
had an unusual sense of the ridiculous, and would be at great 
pains to get a little joke on somebody, even using his own un- 
favorable appearance for the purpose. Beside terrorizing all the 
dogs in the neighborhood, save one, a Siberian blood-hound, he 
found his chief pleasure in frightening passers-by with- his ugly 
looks, without in the least compromising himself. Leaping from 
the ground to the top of the fence, and from there to the cap of 
the gate-post, he would sit watching up and down the street for 
a suitable victim to practise upon — that is, a passenger that ap- 
peared nervous or timid enough for his purpose. When such a 
one appeared on the sidewalk, he would seem indifferent to their 



52 Humor in Animals. 

approach, looking anywhere but in their direction, until his 
intended victim had arrived almost opposite to the post. Then 
he would drop suddenly down in front and glower at him with 
his bloodshot eyes and his projecting teeth, and with such 
ferocity as usually to induce a detour into the gutter. Few had 
the pluck to face his formidable appearance and brush past him 
on the narrow sidewalk, though he said nothing or uttered not a 
threat in any form, more than was apprehended in the look of 
him. When the passer-by had mustered courage to return to the 
walk, the rascal would turn to his master, or whoever happened 
to see the performance, wagging his tail by way of a laugh, — for 
he was not of a breed that smile with their features, — and showing 
every evidence of pleasure at the success of his joke. Unless 
some one of the family were in the yard or on the porch, he 
never indulged in the waggery, but would repeat the joke as 
often as he found victims, while he had an audience. Kanuck 
died a violent death at last. 




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CATS. 



WHEN cats were called, there was a commotion in all the 
area comprising the backyards of the entire square. 
Voices, half human in tone, arose in every quarter, some in 
querulous complaint or angry recrimination, some in long- 
drawn sorrowing wails, followed by a general movement in the 
direction of the call. A flood of all possible feline colors poured 
over the intervening walls and fences. Black, white, spotted, 
yellow, gray, tortoise, and tabby, appeared for a moment, as upon 
the crests of waves, to go down again and reappear rolling over 
the next fence-barrier, until, in a moment, every cranny gleamed 
with eyes of green, and every opening in wall or fence was filled 
with heads struggling for precedence, all eager to be heard ; and 
all indeed were heard in one mingled jargon, wild, unintelligible, 
and to no purpose, so that I shall be obliged to draw my con- 
clusions mostly from what I have myself observed, and my studies 
have been almost entirely upon the life and character of one 
individual cat, with whom I enjoyed very intimate acquaintance, 
— an interesting and very remarkably intelligent pet of my own. 
He was known to fame in all the neighborhood round about as 
Cupid, a most appropriate name, considering his character and 
personal beauty. His features were symmetrical and classical ; 
his white coat, set off with gray ears and tail, was soft and fine as 
ermine. Such was his appearance. But Cupid had claims to 

54 





f ii/ii, 



5 5 



56 Humor in Animals. 

consideration far beyond those of mere physical beauty. Having 
been taught many accomplishments, he was through them enabled 
to develop attributes unusual in his kind, which might otherwise 
have lain dormant to the end of his life. Among other accom- 
plishments, and perhaps his greatest one, Cupid had been 
taught to turn a somerset, the performance of which he seemed 
to regard as the highest reward he could possibly offer for the 
greatest favor. When I remained from home overnight, he 
would, the next day, take his station upon the gate-post, and 
there spend most of the day, spitting at passing dogs and await- 
ing my return. When I came, there was no boisterous demon- 
stration of joy like that of a dog, but he would demurely come 
down from his perch, and, with tail erect, march in front of me to 
the door, every now and then turning a somerset as his best 
expression of pleasure. Cupid had a little vocabulary of his 
own that I understood, and which he knew I understood. He 
could say he would n't, or " wont " about as plainly as a wayward 
child could say it, and very much in the same decided manner, 
by an abrupt little mew, which he never used but when he wished 
to refuse to do what he was told to. He had another word, so to 
speak, consisting of a longer and milder mew, intended for com- 
pliance, but not always to be depended upon — for Cupid had 
quite enough deceit in him to justify his name. I would some- 
times tell him to turn a somerset, when he felt either too lazy 
or too mischievous, and he would at first say he would n't. I 
would reply, sternly : "■ You will." Knowing better all the time, 
he would perhaps refuse again, then seem to acquiesce, even 
putting his head down at each command, as if to comply, but all 
the while he kept working gradually away from me. When, at 
last, he was safely out of my reach, he would shoot up the stairs 




CUPID'S REAL FEELINGS. 



57 



5S Humor in Animals, 

like a rocket, and, turning upon the upper landing, would bestow 
upon me such a whimsical, facetious look as no physiognomist 
could mistake. Had he srfch a thing as a thumb about him, he 
would have put it to his nose ; but this was not needed. The 
expression and the feeling that prompted it were just as apparent 
and well understood. 

Sometimes Cupid would take a notion that he would like to 
perform for my amusement in the backyard. In this case he would 
come to me and ask me to open the door, and going before me, 
would be profuse in his somersets, keeping a suspicious eye on 
me all the time. When the door was opened he would stand in 
the way of its being closed, and look up at me with a cry which 
I understood as well as though he had said, " Come on." Not 
being able to close the door without hurting the cat, I would go 
on ; then, having gained this much, he would utter a little purr 
of satisfaction and lead the way to the kitchen door, alternately 
turning somersets and casting suspicious glances back at me. 
Here he pursued the same tactics as before, until we arrived at 
the door that opened from the kitchen to the backyard, when 
his eagerness to begin would sometimes lead him to go out before 
I had closed the door. Then I would pretend to believe that I 
had done all that was required of me, and would shut the door 
with Cupid on one side, myself on the other. Immediately I was 
made to understand that I was to come out and be entertained. 
Cupid's scratching and caterwauling on the outside of the door 
could not be mistaken ; so, of course, there was nothing left but 
to accept his summons, and to go out and see the performance. 
This he did his utmost to make extraordinary, every now and 
then regarding me with a look of inquiry, as if to say, " What do 
you think of that for agility ? " He would generally conclude 



Cats. Sg 

the show upon the top of the trellis, when he would mew for me 
to come near, that he might jump upon my head, and he insisted 
that I should make his descent easy down my back by stooping 
to the right inclination. This done, Cupid would graciously let 
me go. 

Cupid, in his fashion, was an expert retriever, and greatly 
enjoyed the sport. The object of his chase was a small-sized 
hickory-nut. I used to carry a supply of these nuts, well chosen 
as to size (he would not take a large one), always in one particu- 
lar pocket. At evening, when I was seated, he would come to 
me, thrust his paw into that pocket and try to extract a nut. 
Failing in this, after much effort, he would pause, look up at me 
and mew ; if I still paid no attention, pretending to be absorbed 
in reading or talk, he would frequently go in search of a nut 
that he had played with before, bring it to me, raise himself upon 
his hind feet, place it upon my knee, and then pat my arm. If 
still unnoticed, he would knock the nut off upon the floor and 
pounce upon it again with ostentatious effort, bring it back, and 
try again to direct my attention to it. I don't know that he 
would ever weary of this thing until he had succeeded, for his 
perseverance did not seem in the least, to flag before my patience 
was exhausted, and indeed I had no heart to try him further. 

One evening, as I was about going out to keep an engage- 
ment, Cupid came to me with a nut. I stepped towards the door 
and threw the nut ; he divined my intention, and had the nut 
back to me before I could reach the door. The next throw, how 
ever, enabled me to retreat in time. The parlor was on the 
second floor, the door into the back parlor was frequently ajar, 
as was also the door leading from the back parlor into the hall. 
My mother called to me that Capid was coming, and afterwards 



6o 



Humor in Animals. 



told me what occurred. When I had closed the door and hurried 
down the stairs, the cat, after recovering the nut, looked around, 
and seeing that I had escaped, he seemed nonplussed for a mo- 
ment ; then, remembering there was another way, he ran and, 
with a jump, threw his weight against the door ; as he expected, 
it yielded ; the other was latchless also, and the reasoning crea- 
ture reached the lower hall with the nut in his mouth just as I 
was putting on my overcoat. I stopped and played with him, 
though I was in a hurry, until he was tired ; then, without a 
word of thanks or apology, Cupid abruptly left me, to be late 
at my appointment. 

Much has been written, many stories are told to illustrate the 
sagacity of this favored member of every household. The tales 
of cats are innumerable. 



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THE LION'S REPLY. 



WELL, no, I hardly think we are at any time sportive 
enough to lay claims to humor, if I really understand 
what constitutes that faculty ; I doubt if I do. At any rate, I 
don't think any of our tribe would relish what you would call a 
joke, played upon him ; I fear it would not result, ultimately, in 
amusement for the joker ! One unfortunate member of our 
family had been captured for exhibition, when too young to 
resist, by your race ; and I have been told that he came very 
near being the victim of a practical joke by a man, rendered 
reckless by the juice of grapes, the sweat of grain, or something 
of that sort. He was of that division of your race which you 
call Irish, and was said, by his friends, to be a rollicking, thought- 
less fellow, who happened along when this poor captive lay on 
the floor of his cage asleep. Seeing the end of his tail hanging 
out between the bars, the bright idea struck this man of the Irish 
variety, that it would be a ' foin joke to put a bit of a blaze to 
the brush on the ind of his tail loike ! ' He already had a match 
lighted for the purpose, when the keeper appeared and put a 
stop to the dangerous experiment. My relative said to the other 
animals, that when he understood the extent of the humilia- 
tion intended for him, he was so enraged that he could hardly 
keep from rending open his cage, and seeking among men for 
the miscreant. Think of the mortification he would have suf- 

61 



The Lions Reply. 



63 



fered, and how ridiculous he would have appeared, the end of 
his tail singed and garnished with unseemly sores in place of 
that beautiful brush with which nature had decorated it ! So 
you see how we lions would esteem a joke upon ourselves. As 
to our practising them upon others, I hardly think any act of 
ours in connection with other creatures, would be regarded by 
them in that light. At all events they always seem to take our 
attentions quite serious-like. Still I don't say we are entirely 
lacking in taste of that sort. I could just roar to get hold of 
an unctuous wag now ; I think I could take him all in, and appre- 
ciate the joke fully." 

Though this superb brute disclaims all feeling of humor, I still 
think that I have discovered in him a sort of grim sense of the 
humorous side of life, unrecognized by himself or by the casual 
observer. The more intelligent keeper or student of animals 
will now and then detect little gleams of it in many of the lion's 
acts. But I orant fa^t the evidence is not abundant in the case 
of any of the larger species of the feline race. 






^isaaii 



THE FACETIOUS BEAR. 



THERE is no doubt about the waggishness of bears, who 
can even laugh at their own jokes ; not uproariously, as 
the laughter of those jolly priests the French artists paint so 
admirably, but they can assume a well-defined expression of mirth. 
They are as unmistakably jocose as the most incorrigible jester 
of our own species, and even harsher than his mortal compeer. 
In either creature, when jocularity gets a hold, it seems to take 
full possession of him to the complete subjugation of all else. 
The mind of the joker, whether man or brute, is constantly 
occupied with the subject, and his license becomes intolerable. 
It is only when we can consult our own convenience, and go to 
the place of confinement of the one who must be kept chained, 
that we can enjoy his pranks. We can leave him when weary 
of him, and he cannot pursue us for a practical joke. 

There is a great difference in individuals among bears, as well 
as among men, in this respect. All bears are more or less 
addicted to joking ; yet all do not give themselves entirely over 
to it, making it the main object and study of their lives. 

In my younger days I attended a political mass-meeting which 
was to last many days. Great preparations had been made for a 
" mammoth meeting." Steamboats were chartered at different 
points to convey the eager statesmen and the unselfish patriots to 
the spot, and, as is usual at such times, all sorts of queer objects 

65 




65 



The Facetious Bear. 67 

were brought to attract customers to the numerous refreshment 
booths. For this purpose a speculative passenger upon a boat 
that lay in port near mine was taking a half-grown bear or cub. 
I discovered this animal as I came upon deck early in the 
morning, and saw him sitting upon the top of the pilot house, 
where he was chained to keep him out of the way of mischief. 
Of course I became interested at once, and sat down to watch his 
movements, knowing well that he was not going to remain seated a 
great while. And, sure enough, in a moment his owner emerged 
from the caboose with a large platter of refuse food for Bruin's 
breakfast, and a short ladder, which he placed in position to ascend 
to the top of the pilot house. When the bear saw the end of the 
ladder appear above the roof he became lively at once ; he rose 
to his feet, stretched his neck out until he could see over far 
enough to discover his master, and then settled back with an 
expression of devilish roguery, which pervaded his whole being 
as he waited for the man's head to come within range of his 
mischievous paw. Then, with a heavy box on the ear, he sent 
master, ladder, broken platter, cold victuals, and all, tumbling to 
the deck ! Looking down upon the ruin he had wrought, which 
included the prospects of his own breakfast, he turned and 
capered around his platform in the greatest glee, his ears laid 
back and his features assuming an actual human expression of 
laughter. But Bruin's pleasure, though keen, was of short 
duration ; for the enraged master, getting a stick instead of 
food, again placed the ladder, and again ascended, taking great 
care this time to keep his head out of reach of his pet's paws. 
Bruin got a good cudgelling instead of chicken bones and 
the like, and he had ample time to digest his food for reflec- 
tion before he got any breakfast. This was delayed several 




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;o Humor in Animals. 

hours to teach him to accept life's blessings promptly, when 
proffered. 

Naturally, I became interested in this creature, and de- 
termined to look for him upon the grounds. It was not hard to 
find him, though the grounds were extensive ; for a bear of his 
genius was sure to make himself known wherever he was. Seeing 
a great crowd around a booth, from which came frequent 
roars of laughter, I mixed with the revellers, and there, sure 
enough, I found my jolly acquaintance of the morning. A piece 
of rope had been added to his chain, giving him altogether a run 
of twenty feet or more. As I came up the cub was sitting 
demurely by the corner of the booth. I scarcely saw him at 
first, and a man was enticing a little boy with a stick of candy, 
bought of the cub's proprietor, to come near and get it. The 
unwonted kindness made the boy a little suspicious, though he 
did not know of what, for he did not yet see the bear, only the 
candy. The temptation proved too much for him, however ; 
mastering his doubts, he marched up, took the candy, and, with 
a delighted expression in his face, turned to go. This was the 
moment of the cub's opportunity. With mouth and eyes wide 
open, ears laid back, and his head close to the ground to make 
himself frightful, he sprang out of his corner, striking his paws 
hard upon the ground on purpose. The poor boy turned a look 
back ; one glance was enough. He started, with a scream of 
horror, to run, when the bear, close to his heels, adroitly tripped 
him ; the poor boy, more terrified than before, rolled, tumbled, 
and screamed out of the way. The bear did not attempt to hurt 
him, seeming satisfied with what he had already done. He sat 
down and watched the boy's frantic performances with every 
evidence of keen delight, and laughing as he had in the morning 






The Facetious Bear. 



71 



when he boxed his master off the ladder. As the boy jumped up 
and fled from the scene still holding fast to the candy, poor 
fellow ! the cub returned to his place by the stall, evidently ex- 
pecting the sport to be renewed. He was not disappointed. 
New-comers bought more candy, and the supply of boys was 
kept up by the uproar and laughter. So the rude fun went on 
until a little colored boy was almost thrown into spasms by his 
fear. He could not be appeased ; he trembled and sobbed con- 
vulsively for long after, and described the bear as "the biggest 
black thing he ever see ! " Then even the practical jokers began 
to think that the joke had been carried far enough, and all 
turned their attention to soothing the little darkey. It took a 
great deal of effort ; much coaxing and mild ridicule were needed 
to induce the poor little fellow to come near enough to institute 
a comparison of size. With a look of intense disgust at the jolly 
little villain, who seemed to take it all in, and stood upon his 
hind feet at the extreme of his chain, the boy said " he did n't care, 
it was a bar anyway." But much kindly speech and a pocket 
full of candy seemed at length to mollify him, and he went his 
way partly consoled. 







THE MONKEY'S SOLILOQUY. 



ISUPPC 
of kin 



SUPPOSE we are regarded by man himself as the nearest 
to him. Why, then, I wonder, were not all the 
human attributes, that were to be given to the lower animals at 
all, bestowed upon us ? It certainly seems strange that such a 
human power as that of speech should have been conferred upon 
creatures so far away in physical organization, so totally unlike, 
and seemingly so illy constructed for its exercise, as those parrots 
and a few other birds. The parrots are said to be our feathered 
counterparts. That may be the explanation. They may be 
chosen to reflect humanity among the birds, as we do among the 
mammals. In each grand division of animal nature some trait 
of man's character is perhaps represented in some chosen species, 
so that man's nature permeates the whole. The choicest of 
human gifts may have been bestowed upon parrots to compen- 
sate for their great deficiencies otherwise. 

" Still this explanation is not satisfactory either. It seems 
too much that the gift of both speech and song should be 
enjoyed solely by the birds. Why, there is not a living creature 
below man that can utter a human sound or a melodious note, 
save birds alone ! Frogs, katydids, and a thousand insects may 
think they do, but they don't. Now, I confess, when I think of 
what might have been, had we monkeys had these gifts, instead 
of those unfit creatures with their inflexible lips, or rather teeth 

72 




73 



74 ■ Humor in Animals. 

on the outside of their face, my soul is filled with bitterness. 
Ah ! but it 's a compliment to us after all ; they dare not trust us 
with any more endowments. Jealousy is the one thing that 
keeps us back. Had not these gifts been withheld, there would 
have been no check to our advance. 

" And man himself does not have all that he desires by any 
means. These same birds can soar far above the earth — a 
power which he, with all his invention cannot contrive for 
himself, though I believe he expects to have it conferred upon 
him in a higher life to succeed this. Perhaps / But that 's 
nothing to us. 

" Come to think of it, that 's not a bad idea of mine, that 
man's qualities are echoed, as it were, through the whole animal 
kingdom by certain favored species as delegates. If that be so, 
I wonder which of the reptiles holds the honor. Serpents? 
No, I should rather think the lizards. Though it may be pre- 
sumption for me to speculate at all upon this point, I don't 
suppose man would acknowledge a very near kinship to any of 
them. But I can't help thinking. No wrong in that, I suppose. 
Insects ? Now, which among the insects could, with any show 
of reason, claim precedence ? Butterflies, ants, bees, katydids, 
pinchbugs, tumblebugs, or what ? I can't tell, I am sure ; that 's 
too much for my philosophy. And there are still the cold- 
blooded creatures — fishes, clams, etc. — to be considered. 

" And if I could settle all this satisfactorily, it would throw 
no light upon the question under consideration. Perhaps we 
have our share of humanity, and are covetous in wanting more. 
Let us consider. We have not speech. That 's true; but we 
can chatter with the best of them. And that 's human, I 'm sure. 
In our four feet we have four hands as well, — but what of it ? 



The Monkey s Soliloquy. 



75 



No one denies our capacity to cut up antics. We are by common 
consent voted the harlequins of animals, and man wants to know 
if we have humor. As he himself would say : ' We have n't any 
thing else.' And there it is again, — another important lack ! 
The jesters of the world, and not a shadow of an expression of 
mirth can our features assume ! I hear that several species of 
dogs can smile, and that bears laugh unmistakably. Even this 
spiteful cat at my feet, squalling and spitting just because I 
take hold of her tail, they say, can assume a facetious expression 
when she feels like it, which she evidently does not at the present 
moment. But we, man's nearest cousins, are denied even that 
approach to man's expression. 

" We can always provoke laughter in our great kinsfolk. 
But could we join in the laugh, talk, and sing a jolly song with 
them, it w T ould be a great comfort to us. Then we monkeys 
would feel so much more in sympathy with them, and should 
be encouraged to hurry up our evolution to the point of 
equality." 







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THE TWO MONKEYS. 



AN eminent American artist gave me the following bit of his 
experience with two monkeys he had in his possession 
while living in Rome. He first bought the larger one and had him 
for some time, when there came an opportunity to purchase another. 
Concluding that there must be at least twice as much interest and 
fun in two monkeys as in one, he hastened to close the bargain. 
Still he was not without some apprehension as to the reception that 
the new-comer, being smaller, might receive from the one already 
installed. When he entered the little anteroom where the old 
monkey was kept, with the little one in his arms, it was interest- 
ing to watch the behavior of both. The little one, being a 
stranger to all, was timid and frightened at every thing, and 
did n't know what to expect or whom to trust. " Jack," as the 
larger one was called, was busy at the moment with the mysteries 
of a knot in a bit of rope he had found. Looking up and seeing 
the other, he lost interest in the investigation of the knot, and 
riveted his gaze upon his kinsman. As his master dropped the 
poor little fellow on the floor, in front of him, he still continued 
his gaze, evidently not having made up his mind as to how he 
would take the intrusion. It required time to consider, and all 
the while he glowered at the stranger, who returned the gaze in 
anxious suspense. At length he concluded to accept him, and 
reaching out, drew the little one to him, and clasped him in his 

76 







THE TWO MONKEYS. 



77 



7% Humor in Animals, 

arms, then turned to his master and the friends who had ac- 
companied him, chattering threats and denunciations, through 
them, to all the world, or that portion of it, however large, that 
should propose enmity or separation to his bosom friend of two 
minutes' standing. The little one, too, caught the infection and 
joined his chatter with that of his new friend, which seemed a 
combined defiance to every foe that would break the bonds then 
and there established. All this, of course, was very satisfactory 
to the artist, relieving him of any apprehensions he may have 
felt. He also found, soon after this happy turn affairs had taken, 
that his calculation as to the amount of fun in two monkeys 
rather than one, was more than justified, so far as quantity was 
concerned. The fun, indeed, was as the square of the number 
of monkeys ; but most of it was fun to the monkeys alone, 
while he had all the care and anxiety for his portion. 

One morning the larger one succeeded in breaking his bonds, 
and with his help the little one was also free. They were scarcely 
missed before an excited woman came to complain that the mon- 
keys were in her garden doing all sorts of mischief. The first 
she knew of their presence they were pelting her with green figs 
from out her own tree. My friend sent his man after them, 
but no sooner did the pursuer appear than they retreated over the 
opposite wall into an adjoining garden, whence came a clamor of 
protest for the mischief they contrived to do on their way across, 
and so the journey was continued until the man lost track of them 
altogether, and was obliged to return and report accordingly. 
My friend, with mingled feelings of sorrow and relief, gave up 
his troublesome pets for lost. 

The day wore away, and no monkeys. Just as evening was 
coming on, their owner became aware of some commotion across 



1 he 1 wo Monkeys, 79 

a little court in a window opposite the one at which he was sit- 
ting, and, looking up, there he saw his runaway pets. Having 
escaped all penalties of their rascalities through the day, they had 
returned and chosen this stage for such amusing antics as would 
conciliate their master and get them off from punishment. Their 
antics did not, however, seem to win from him any notice suffi- 
ciently favorable to be trusted. My friend kept a grave expres- 
sion upon his face all the while, though it was hard ; it was almost 
beyond his self-control to keep from laughing at their anxious 
drolleries. Finally the monkeys exhausted their resources, and 
seemed to be in despair, when suddenly the larger one had an 
inspiration. He caught the lesser one by the tail and began 
swinging him in the air like a pendulum. This absurd action, 
together with the anxious, rueful expression with which they both 
watched its effect upon their master, proved too much for him, 
and he burst into a fit of laughter, in which the two relieved 
creatures joined with a glad chatter, the best they could do for 
laughter, and peace was restored. 

As with the practical joker, the discomfort or annoyance of 
others seems to be the monkey's sole idea of fun. I remember 
some years ago, at Central Park, I used to watch with much 
interest the performances of a solitary monkey, who, for some 
reason, had been left alone in a large cage that had been recently 
occupied by many of his race. In his loneliness, he seemed to 
be hard put to it for amusement, but he found no little entertain- 
ment in tantalizing a large leopard whose cage was next to his. 
A board petition or screen had been inserted between the two 
cages for greater safely, but a little aperture had been made, 
probably by the monkeys, by tearing away splinters from a crack 
or joint between two boards, large enough to afford a partial view 



8o 



Humor in Animals, 



from one cage to the other. The leopard spent much of his time 
in peering through this hole, longing to get hold of the monkey, 
and the monkey took, no small delight in passing before the open- 
ing, upon a convenient perch. Seemingly unconscious of the 
leopard's proximity, he would sit there for a long time all absorbed 
in a pretended search for fleas. First on one leg, then on the 
other he would hitch nearer and still a little nearer to the parti- 
tion ; and the excitement of the leopard became terrible ! His 
eyes gleamed, his underlip quivered, his tail thrashed furiously from 
side to side, but Jacko was just out of reach. When at length, 
weary of all this, the leopard retreated a little, the monkey would 
suddenly leap against the partition and quickly back to his perch, 
while the disappointed brute bounded about his narrow confines 
in a transport of rage. Then the monkey would sit upon his 
perch and chatter with delight. 




w 
i— i 

> 

O 

W 
H 



81 




THE FOX'S VIEWS. 



Y 



OU want to know what? Whether we have humor, 
eh ? Well, I don't want to appear conceited or im- 
modest, in claiming an attribute that you human creatures, with 
all your penetration, have failed to discover in our make up. Your 
chief grounds for doubt is that you have not seen it in us. May 
I modestly suggest that there are many qualities, even in the most 
familiar things, that have not yet come within human observation ? 
Excuse me, but the wisest of your race admit this fact. Therefore, 
it is not safe to jump at a conclusion, and found a theory upon 
the absence of evidence. I don't mind saying that we have a great 
deal of brutal — that is, non-human sort of humor. That admission 
seems to shock you, and still lower us in your esteem ? Well, 
why should we care for your opinions ? I am glad that you have 
asked me the question, however, for, though I know well enough 
your estimate of us, I rejoice at an opportunity of telling you 
what we think of you. I am aware that this will not concern you 
much, only I shall call your attention to some facts that you 
never seem to bestow any thought upon, or if you do, it 's only 
to pettifog the case with your conscience, and to persuade your- 
selves against your smothered convictions, that hunting us is 
right. The pleasures of the chase are enjoyed exclusively by 
you, you think? No; they are shared by almost every living 
thing. But with the lower animals, except those trained by your 









The Fox s Views. 83 

example, it is the business of life. Is that what brutalizes it? 
When the blood of the victim is the reward of success, the pur- 
suit is brutal ? You would reject such a reward with scorn or 
disgust, simply because it is distasteful to you. The recompense 
of your success is the tail of your victim — the 'brush,' as you 
term it. This is the difference between the refinements of the 
chase and the depredations of the fox. Still, the hounds and the 
horses are necessary to you, and they enjoy the sport with as 
keen a zest as yourselves. But you direct the sport : that you 
are the master, ennobles the pastime. The brush belongs to the 
first in at the death. You thrust it under the band of your fool- 
ish little hunting-cap, and ride proudly back to feel the swelling 
heart of a conquering hero. You enjoy the admiration of the 
females of your race who hail your return with honors and loud 
acclaim, arrogating all the credit to yourselves, which mostly 
belongs to the horse you ride. 

" But now to return to my claim of a non-human sort of humor. 
When you miss your fox, and he succeeds in getting away with 
his own tail, having, by his cunning, outwitted you all, and cir- 
cumvented the combined intelligence of a troop of human hunts- 
men, the sagacity of a pack of hounds, and the speed of all their 
horses, what does he do ? He gains his stronghold high upon 
the cliff, and looks down upon the rage of baffled hounds, and 
the rueful expressions on the countenances of the foolish hunt- 
ers. Do you suppose he does not then, at least, fully appreciate 
and enjoy the humor of the situation ? Don't deceive your- 
self!" 



A RAT'S POINT OF VIEW. 



WHY, of course. Though we insist upon being neigh- 
borly, it does not imply that kind of intimate acquaint- 
ance that would give you an accurate knowledge of our private 
character. You could n't follow us into our haunts to study our 
customs and habits. You must therefore content yourselves 
with conjecture founded upon such facts as you can glean from 
casual observation. Such of our traits as you know do not bear 
upon the subject. You hear the noise we make in the walls of 
your old mansions ; you wonder what it 's all about, and are 
annoyed at it, and you conclude, naturally, that we are indifferent 
to your feelings, which is quite true. The hubbub we make is 
entirely our own affair ; it is for our own fun, or other purposes, 
without the slightest reference to your wishes. We are likewise 
just as indifferent to your opinions of us or your estimate of our 
mental capacity. You have found us wise enough, as a general 
thing, to elude your devices for our capture, including the 
cunningly devised traps that don't look at all like traps, but still 
would hold us fast enough were we unwary enough to walk into 
them. With all your contrivances for our extermination as a 
race, we still live, and live just where we please. In your house, 
if we prefer, or if the barn offers greater attractions we retire to 
the barn or stable ; we subsist by your involuntary bounty ; we 
help ourselves at will from such of your supplies as we can reach, 

85 



86 



Humor in Animals. 



without so much as by your leave ! And we can generally con- 
trive to reach most any provisions we particularly desire. 

" All this you know, but little or nothing of our pastimes, 
fun, or frolic. We have our own pleasures, of course, and it is 
most likely that a little of the element of mischief enters in. I 
will not say any thing more than that for publication at present. 
Jump at any conclusion you please ; you will get no clue from 
me ; we are indifferent to you. Your houses are very convenient 
for us, but though we dine at the same table with you, as it 
were, we feel no attachment for your kind." 







THE ASS SPEAKS. 



87 




THE SPEECH OF THE ASS. 



" T3 RET H REN ! I say brethren, with entire confidence that 
-L' I appeal to no others, for well do I know that none other 
than a true brother would give ear to my utterances ; and our 
family connections have grown so large, that I can safely count 
upon a great portion of almost any audience being composed of 
its members. But in any case I am justified, for are we not all 
of one stock, all in one line of progression, in different degrees, 
to be sure, but all tending to the highest development ? Natu- 
ralists have adopted a system of classification founded upon a 
dental basis, which applies to all mammals, save ourselves. We 
form a unique exception. In our case the popular verdict has 
thrown the dental system in the teeth of science, so to speak, 
and insists that the voice, or the peculiar use made of it, shall 
determine the status of a claimant to membership in our family. 
We therefore have the distinction of being the founders of a 
large and (at least in numbers) respectable class. In fact, when 
the popular clamor arose for voice-classification, the increase to 
our numbers was very great, being, as a rule, we were unified 
mainly by our speech. The united order of asses have been 
able to drown all opposition, and to force their way to positions 
they could never have attained except for the noise they made. 

" I have said that voice alone is not necessarily a distin- 
guishing mark. There are conditions accompanying the voice 

83 



The Speech of the Ass. 89 

necessary to establish its owner's claim to be classed with 
the real asses / Bulls bellow in anger, and all who hear 
understand the meaning. Lions roar, and every trembling 
creature heeds the warning and flies to cover ! But your true ass 
brays on forever, without significance, cause, or reason, and this 
is just what makes the difference. The unnecessary, uncalled- 
for, unmeaning exercise of the loud voice stamps the ass at 
once ! 

" But I arose to speak upon the subject of this work, the humor 
of animals. Each creature, so far as he has been heard from, 
when called upon, has either claimed its possession for his 
species, or acknowledged the lack and explained the reasons 
therefore. But owing to our phenomenal position in the animal 
kingdom, in order to make myself fully understood, I felt it 
necessary to show that aside from this one distinguishing mark, 
which makes us all akin, there may exist, and do exist, great 
differences between different branches of our family. So when I 
lay claim — emphatically — to the attribute for us donkeys of the 
original stock, I cannot include the much larger number of those 
who are classed with us. Asses by adoption may or may not 
have the sense of humor. I do not know about it, I am sure. I 
can only say that I have never discovered that faculty, or any 
other, particularly, in them. So I will simply make the claim 
for our own branch, and leave the proof to such anecdotes as 
may follow." 



DONKEYS' DOINGS. 



DONKEYS certainly have the sense of humor to a great 
degree. They by no means deserve the reputation of 
being a stupid animal. The ass, so far as I have been able to 
ascertain, has the brightest intellect of all the group with which 
his physical organization allies him. He has much character. 
When crossed with the horse, his progeny, the mule, stands by 
himself (often on his forelegs gesticulating with his hind), as a 
noticeable individual. His characteristics are quite distinct from 
either parent, but he ranks far above the horse in point of 
brains, and is perhaps equal to the ass, from whom he derives 
his mental powers. Many years ago a number of American 
artists — Gifford, Whittredge, Bierstadt, two or three others, and 
myself — started on a jaunt over the mountains in the vicinity 
of Rome. Arriving at a little town in the evening, we engaged 
the requisite number of donkeys to be ready early in the 
morning. I selected mine from a sort of sympathy between 
us ; I looked at him, he looked at me, and we liked each other. 
I fancied his expression ; he regarded me so knowingly on 
my tour of inspection. I decided upon him at once, thinking 
that there was something in him, — and there was / He seemed 
to appreciate the compliment, and took kindly to me. 

He was not long in justifying my conclusions. We had 
supper, and retired early to be ready at break of day for the 



90 



Donkeys Doings, 91 

start. But owing to a little pleasantry on the part of my chosen 
steed, we lost considerable valuable time. We were awakened 
before the hour by a great commotion in the square below, and 
upon going to the window, we looked down upon an exciting 
scene. Our entire troop of donkeys was loose, dashing about in 
the wildest, unrestrained manner, my donkey at the head of the 
charge, while seemingly all the idle inhabitants of the do-nothing 
little town were there to help secure the animals again. In the 
midst of the hubbub my enterprising beast was the most active 
of the herd. Coursing here and there, everywhere ; biting, kick- 
ing, and striking in all directions ; reaching out with his heels 
toward each retreating group, — on he went in defiance of all 
efforts to corral him and his companions. As I looked, I was 
proud of my beast, and called my companions' attention to his 
superiority. They did not seem to envy me ! But there must 
be an end to all things, and the most obdurate lot of donkeys in 
the world may be mastered by superior numbers. So when we 
went out from breakfast, we found that peace had been restored 
and the wayward creatures again secured, and very thoroughly 
too, to judge from the amount of small fees we were required to 
pay to each who claimed to have helped. The animals had still 
to be fed, as the time allotted for that had been occupied in 
the frolic. There was finally an end to their feeding, however, 
as well as to their spree, and the start was made. 

When I came to mount my beast I observed that his rein was 
a stout rope. I was at first inclined to demur, but half guessing 
the reason, I mounted in silence and took my place in the line, 
happening to ride just behind Gifford. The path over the 
mountain was narrow and deeply worn, so that we were obliged 
to go in single file. We had not travelled many miles before 



92 H^lmor in Animals. 

I was convinced of the justice of my surmise as to the rope. 
The beast I bestrode had an amount of character that exceeded 
even my most enthusiastic desires. My hands were actually 
blistered in a constant effort to restrain the mischief-loving 
creature from biting the heels of Gifford's little brown charger, 
who lost all patience with this continued annoyance, and stopped 
stock-still, turned his head, and gave my brute such a look as set 
the company in a roar of laughter, and would have brought a 
blush of shame to any cheek but that of a hardened donkey. The 
only effect visible upon him, however, was the prudence that in- 
duced him to stop also and stand at a safe distance. Gifford's 
poor persecuted brute had already expended much of his strength 
in fruitless kicking at this wary beast of mine, who always man- 
aged to turn in time to avoid the angry heels. They never hit 
but once, and that time they hit my shin, which ached for days 
afterwards. When we finally reached the top of the mountain 
and stopped for rest and refreshments at the monastery, then I 
found that my mount, by his constant reaching forward, and dod- 
ging back, had worked the saddle so near the rump that in a few 
rods farther I should have been off, saddle and all. When we 
prepared to continue the journey, the much-abused donkey that 
Gifford rode flatly refused to travel at either end next to mine, 
and one of our company who had a less experienced ass suffered 
the imposition. His trials were not so great, however, as his 
predecessor's, the descent being less favorable for my donkey's 
pranks than the climb had been. 

From a certain incident, I should judge that the donkey has 
a taste for, and appreciation of, refined and intellectual society. 
The little daughter of an eminent statesman was looking out of 
a back window of their country-seat, when her eye fell upon the 



Donkeys Doiiigs. 



93 



donkey standing quietly in the yard, and wearing that indescriba- 
ble expression, common to their race, which seems made up of 
conscious worth, dejection, and philosophical resignation. Her 
tender heart went out in pity for the sad creature, as she cried : 
" Poor Jacko, he is so lonesome ! but papa will come home in a 
day or two, then he will be all right ! " 









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THE CAMEL'S CLAIM. 



H 



UMOR ? O yes ! once — ages and ages ago — when we 
roved free and wild over the desert, we cultivated 
drollery, had heaps of it — humps-full. We carried it upon our 
backs, on our long jaunts over the desert waste. There are still 
waste places — long, dreary wastes — moral deserts, with sands as 
dry as any, where humor is needed, but since our race went out of 
the business, that sort of commerce has been given up. In fact, 
the commodity itself does not seem to be in so great demand as it 
once was ; the supply appears to have given out in a great measure, 
and what there is now, seems to be rather the ' tailings,' if I may 
use that expression, of the abundant flow of former times. Yes, 
both supply and demand have dwindled, and the dry, unproductive 
sands of knowledge have drifted over many an oasis of sweet 
poetic verdure. I do not mean to disparage learning when I speak 
of its ' unproductive sands.' O dear, no ! what does a poor beast 
of burden know about it ? I merely want to say that it is unpro- 
ductive of happiness, as we understand it, and it must be confessed 
that its dust does blind, or, at least, disqualify the eye for seeing 
the little simple pleasures that once gave great delight." 



94 







THE CAMELS PLEA. 



95 



THE SEAL. 



OUR seals, by their sarcastic invitation to come and share the 
cold comforts of their home with them, to study their 
habits, manners, etc., would seem to intimate that we can know 
little of their characteristics or mental qualities. We have, how- 
ever, many opportunities of knowing some, if not of studying all, 
their traits of character, independent of a sojourn in their icy abode. 
Individuals are frequently captured and brought to us, and are 
among the most intelligent of all animals. Besides this, we are 
justifiec} in concluding, from what their education brings out in their 
domestic state, that they are jolly fellows. A number of years ago 
a small seal with unusual attainments and natural gifts, was kept as 
an attractive feature of the varied exhibitions at the " Aquarium." 
His daily obligation was to exhibit to the admiring multitude 
his many accomplishments in the way of pistol shooting, etc. 
To be sure, he had not yet attained to any degree of proficiency in 
marksmanship above that of the unhurt duellist, or holiday sports- 
man, though he had mastered the preliminary of pulling the trigger 
without trepidation, which is more than I may say of the many 
above mentioned. Music, however, was his forte. Why, he could, 
with one flipper, play the hand- organ with as much delicacy and 
correctness as any ordinary professional ! Of course, a seal of such 
drawing powers was a great favorite, and was allowed many 

privileges, and indulged in whims, which would have been frowned 

9 6 




97 



98 Humor in Animals. 

down in a less-gifted animal, to while away the tedium of his un- 
employed hours. At such times he occupied a large tank, made 
for his special use, in the centre of the great room. Around this 
tank was a wooden guard about three feet high, and broad enough 
on the top to form a convenient seat for those visitors in the 
vicinity, while some rare animal or monstrosity was being displayed 
about the enclosure. Occasionally some careless fellow would 
allow the skirts of his coat to fall over on the inside of this barrier, 
while he was intent upon the sights around him. This was the 
opportunity of our friend, the cultivated seal. He would glide noise- 
lessly through the water to the spot, and there, without attracting 
attention, endeavor to reach the trailing garment. In two or three 
instances he succeeded in doing this, and pulled the astonished 
wearer into the water of the tank ; when he would dart about the 
basin in the greatest apparent glee, now and then stopping to raise 
his sleek head above the surface to look around, and, with those 
great human eyes, blink at the delighted audience, then down again 
to continue his gambols ! 





99 



THE HIPPOPOTAMUS. 



" /^vURS is probably the most ancient family of living quadru- 
V^/ peds ; I mean, of course, mammals ; about those reptiles 
I don't know any thing. They may have existed since the 
foundation, for aught I know. I can best explain our lack of the 
element you seek, by telling you briefly the traditions of the 
family. We only have so much of humor as comes into the com- 
position of other qualities, such as playfulness, etc., but not the 
attribute pure and simple, I acknowledge frankly, — but that is 
no fault of our own. In the beginning, when the first representa- 
tives of our family found themselves a living reality, they foresaw 
the long line that would continue so far down the current of time, 
while hundreds of other races should spring up, flourish their 
allotted time, dwindle, and die out. They saw the necessity of 
a character strong enough to last them, and to assure our standing 
down to the remotest period of our stay upon earth. So, of 
course, with what foresight we had, we immediately set about 
providing ourselves with all possible qualities we could grasp, 
to be handed down. We first secured beauty of person, which 
may have suffered some by the lapse of ages, as beauty will. W^e 
forgot to include hair in our composition, so we were obliged to 
substitute for covering, a thick steel-gray rind, which gradually 
merges into a beautiful pink towards the underpart of the body ; 
that greatly enhances our beauty and, in fact, has been the princi- 



The Hippopotamus. 



IO 



pal factor in preserving it so long. In short, the hrst parents of 

our family took every thing they could lay their paws upon, for, 
you must remember, it was for their posterity they were acting, 
and their responsibility was great Nevertheless, when the father 
oi our race came to grasp humor, as a pleasing quality and one 
conducive of great happiness to its possessor, the powers having 
the matter in charge said he was a great pig, and denied him that 
much-coveted attribute. Our position, however, was then and 
there well established. Representatives of our race are to be 
found in every walk of life, and in abundant numbers."' 



THE TORTOISE HAS HIS SAY. 



I 



DON'T know, I 'm sure ! I don't think I understand what 
the thing is. If, however, it 's an animal trait, I suppose we 
have it somewhere way down in the depths of our nature, all 
secure, probably for future use. But many a shell will have to be 
lifted by the slow process of time, before we arrive at any of those 
finer traits of character. You see we are pretty well back in the 
line of development, and are only now enjoying its lower attributes. 
But some day, I am assured, we shall come to the full use of all the 
higher qualities of the mind that any creature possesses, or that 
belongs to animal nature. 

" But if by humor you mean jokes and that sort of thing, there 
is not as yet any of that element in the compound of our nature. 
Still we are often made the medium, or means, of the foolishness 
being perpetuated. We are not yet fleet of foot, and if, during our 
peregrinations, a wanton boy catches sight of us, we are at his 
mercy, except so far as the shell that covers us affords protection. 
I must say for their credit, however, that boys do not often show 
any desire to do us bodily harm, farther than a little disfigurement. 
It has grown to be a custom, handed down for generations, among 
boys, to carve upon the back of a turtle a date a hundred years 
old or more, adding George Washington's initials to the inscription. 
This done, we are left to continue our walk without farther molesta- 
tion, and with the respect added due to age and dignity. It matters 




103 




104 




wm'% 



THAT BOY ! 



*05 



106 Humor in Animals, 

nothing to the boy that we may have been hatched no more than 
a year or two before, nor does this fact seem of much consequence 
to the discoverer, who is sure to come next upon our tracks the 
next season. He picks us up carefully, studies our backs, turns us 
over, makes a minute inspection from every point of view, and 
reverently puts us down again, with permission to move on at our 
will. Then he goes his way to write an accurate account of the 
find to that enterprising journal The Promulgator. He tells 
how the observing Wiseman, ever on the alert for any key to 
nature's mysteries, was walking in the fields when he saw what at 
first seemed to be a moving clod of earth or mossy stone. " On 
approaching the strange object, he found it to be a very old turtle, 
slowly plodding on, with joints stiffened by age, and shell jagged 
and scored by the rough usage of more than a hundred years, as 
evidenced by the date, half obliterated, of 1 775, still faintly legible, 
and by some indistinct patriotic motto or sentiment, in which the 
word country is just discernible [this is, of course, the Wiseman's 
fancy]. And it is signed with the honored initials of G. W., still as 
distinct as if engraven upon the heart of patriotic America." 

In a column, devoted to strange facts and remarkable incidents, 
of The Promulgator, the above appeared, together with accounts 01 
sea-serpents, reported by ship-captains who would scorn fabrications ; 
of wild men clad with a thick coat of long dark hair, probably the 
result of long exposure ; and of newly invented perpetual motions, 
with perhaps a flying-machine just being completed and constructed 
upon principles that cannot fail of success. 

How much of his valuable time the father of his country must 
have given to the task of keeping this important date, 1 775, fresh 
in the memory of coming generations, by carving it upon the backs 
of tortoises and sending it crawling down through succeeding 
ages ! 




THE ANTIQUARY. 



107 







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108 



The End. 



109 



Here must end my study of the humor of animals. 

If in this little work I have used some fanciful arguments, on 
the other hand, I have presented only such facts as would furnish 
positive or reasonably presumptive evidence of the truth of my 
theory, that a sense of humor is largely, if not universally, possessed 
by brute creatures. Had my theme been almost any other attribute 
of animals, the field would have been vastly wider. But as the 
reader might expect something more amusing from the title 
than bare facts or logical conjecture would justify, I have en- 
deavored to select such creatures as would afford the best oppor- 
tunity for expression, character, and variety in illustration, and 
have allowed each one to speak for himself, as if in reply to direct 
inquiry, assisting his remarks with such illustrations as they 
suggested. I trust my work will be appreciated, at least by their 
descendants, when evolution has brought them on to an under- 
standing of my efforts in their behalf. 



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